Aftermath
by MmeDeschain
Summary: Stephen ponders the future and the past now that Elena's switch is back on. Takes place before the S4 finale. This is me trying to understand Stephen. Complete


AFTERMATH

A/N #2: _So I wrote this forever ago. Like, last season. Things got crazy and I didn't have time to type let alone publish. Also I have this weird thing about only posting relevant fics..as in 'this can't happen anymore b/c the next ep has already aired' kind of relevant. I know. I impose artificial deadlines and pretty much ensure that I won't have enough time to ever write anything ever again. But of all the fics I've started and not published, THIS ONE straight up haunted me. Maybe because I still don't get Stefan. Or Stelena for that matter….but in light of recent events I decided I needed to put this out there. _

_A/N #1: This story is me trying to get inside Stefan's head. I just don't understand him. I really don't. I hardly like the guy. My feelings for him can best be described as 'meh'. Apologies to the Stefan lovers. So here goes. I hope you enjoy. _

_This takes place before the season 4 finale, but after Elena flipped her switch back on. The premise is simple: you can never go home again. The place changes while you are gone, and you also change over time. It's the same with vampires and that infamous humanity switch._

_As always, I own nothing. No beta, please be kind. _

STEFAN POV

We've finally done it. I should be celebrating or something. Elena is sleeping down the hall. Alone, thank God. I know how badly Damon wanted her in his bed. I'm not sure he would have been able to refuse her had she gone to his him room.

She needs to be alone. She needs to process. She needs to journal. I left one in the room, new and blank with a pen.

Damon thinks our journaling is a waste of time. He doesn't' understand that this is our bourbon, our flinging of expensive crystal into the flames. Damon needs to destroy. We, through putting ink to paper, create. Immortalize moments and thought s to they are always with us. Mere memory, even the too perfect memory of a vampire cannot compare to the sight of your own handwriting retelling the story. We take ideas and turn them over and over, dissecting it from all the possible angles so that nothing is lost. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Maybe if Damon did it too…maybe that's why we keep creating the same footprints.

He wasn't always like this. Or maybe he was. Damon has always been a bit of an enigma. I think back to our youth. I remember how he looked. He was so young. I was even younger. He had this openness to him. Those big blue eyes reflecting the world and all its possibilities back at me.

I remember when we were boys and he would tell me all about our mother. He would tell me about when she was with child; they would sit together on picnics overlooking our property guessing if I would be a boy or a girl. How much fun it would be to have a younger brother to play with- teach to fish and hunt and ride horses and flirt with the girls in town. We did all those things together. I remember those days well.

Before

Before our lives became an endless spiral of blood and sex and hate and love and destruction and too many years.

My brother loves her. In his own way. Right or wrong, he loves her. With the savagery of a hurricane, the rabid ferocity of a wild dog. But his love is all wrong. He wants to keep her safe and perfect. Like so many fireflies collected in jars, he will smother her. She is no specimen to admire and preserve. She is a beautiful whirlwind of life- flaws and generosity and love and light and love and love and love. I love my brother but he will eat her up. Swallow her whole, drowning her in the black hole of his existence. He needs her to much; it's why he loves her. I need her because I love her

I can't wait for all this to be over. That is the other scary part. Something in me fears that Damon is living for these thrills. He is extremes. There is no mellow. She stirs that long dormant father in him. Odd. His love would push her back into his shadows.

But that isn't the worst part of losing Elena to him.

No the worst part is that he might not be able to accept her love. He wants it. He needs it, but he does not feel worthy. I agree with him, but that's not what matters. My biggest fear is that because Damon always thinks he knows best he will reject her in some twisted protective move. He will drive her away. And then he will come home and throw glasses into the fire.

And he calls me a martyr.

_fin_

_A/N that's all folks! i hope you enjoyed my little foray into Stephen. this was just itching to come out._


End file.
